How do you “process” grief correctly?
Short answer: one day, one step at a time
Long answer: it takes intentional work
Seriously, though, friend. Variations of that question are by far the most common ones I am asked.
I recently shared with a friend that processing grief is just that… a process. It’s not something you do once, and that’s it.
But the really good news is that you don’t have to have it all figured out or even do it all at once.
In fact, it’s so much better to just…. breathe.
Take it one day at a time.
One hour at a time if you need to.
Along with the question I’m most often asked, I want to share: the thing I always recommend.
Over and over again I find myself recommending Grief Share to these precious hurting new friends that cross our paths. In fact, it is my most often recommended grief resource. I am so thankful for it and for the healing help it brings to the hurting. It was certainly crucial in our own healing and I’ve witnessed it help countless others too.
Myron and I have led several Grief Share groups, both in person and virtually. I love how it is practical and gets into the nitty gritty daily aspects of life, helping us work through them. It also provides a supportive community of fellow believers. I recently received an email that they have a journal that helps work through grief with specific prompts. https://visit.griefshare.org/reflections-journal/?utm_source=sendgrid&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=gs_journal_promotion&utm_content=cs-participants
Many of the helpful resources on their site are completely free. For instance, you can sign up for a short email every day for 365 days. I have done this twice over the last seven years since losing Jacob, and I highly recommend it.
Here’s just a glimpse of the 13 topics that Grief Share covers:
Session One: Is this normal? Discovering why your grief experience is harder than you imagine; the intensity, the duration of the emotions, and whether they’re normal and appropriate. Despite how you might feel in the beginning, there is reason for hope.
Session Two: Challenges of grief More eye-opening reasons why the pain is so overwhelming. Some of the overlooked yet common effects that grief has on the mind, body, and spirit; how you can get things done when you don’t feel like you have any energy.
Session Three: The journey of grief (Part one) Helpful goals that we can set on the journey of grief; how to deal with those who try to rush us through the grief; how long the journey of grief can typically last.
Session Four: The journey of grief (Part two) Why it’s important to put effort into healing; how the events surrounding our loved one’s death affects our grief; the best way to deal with our loved one’s belongings.
Session Five: Grief in your relationships How to deal with the death; how the death of a loved one affects our friendships; why solitude can be a blessing and a curse; how to deal with friends who might not understand our grief.
Session Six: Why? God wants you to share your feelings with him. Being honest with God is an expression of faith and what God has to say about our why questions.
Session Seven: Guilt and anger Dealing with false guilt and how grief can cause conflicts in relationships; how to handle grief-related anger.
Session Eight: Complicating factors How traumatic experiences affect grief; how to deal with nightmares and flashbacks; how our thinking affects our emotions.
Session Nine: Stuck How to prevent getting stuck in grief, misconceptions that hinder healing, why the path to healing isn’t always smooth.
Session Ten: Lessons of grief (Part one) An often overlooked reason that grief is so painful, why going to church can be so difficult, the benefit of helping others.
Session Eleven: Lessons of grief (Part two) Who you are now that your loved one is gone; why no one grieves perfectly; what grief can teach us about our relationships.
Session Twelve: Heaven Answers questions about heaven in the afterlife such as what heaven is like; whether you should communicate with your deceased loved one; whether near death experiences are reliable descriptions of heaven and much more.
Session Thirteen: What do I live for now? Why moving forward is a necessity; why it’s a process; why peace and pain will always coexist.
https://www.griefshare.org/ has tons of information that’s helpful– seminar topics from grief experts, the daily emails I referenced, tips for surviving the holidays, a whole program on the loss of a spouse, and more. You can enter your zip code and find a group that’s meeting near you as well.
So…
How do you “process” grief correctly?
Short answer: one day, one step at a time
Long answer: it takes intentional work!
BUT, it’s worth it to work through the deep pains to find the joy that’s waiting for us on the other side!
Have you ever tried Grief Share? Let us know in the comments below.
Praying for you, friend
Jenny
