The sudden loss of a loved one leaves a void that seems impossible to fill. When our 17-year-old son, Jacob, was tragically killed by a drunk driver, our family was thrust into an indescribable season of grief. His older brother, Caleb, survived the accident but faced a long and painful recovery. Amid this heartbreak, the questions came in waves: Why, God? How could this happen?

This blog shares our personal journey through grief, offering hope to those walking similar paths. If you are searching for comfort and healing, we pray our story inspires you to find God in the midst of your suffering.

(Based on our most recent YouTube video. Click here to watch and subscribe for more encouragement.)

The Immediate Aftermath: Coping with Trauma

In the days following Jacob’s death, life felt shattered. Grieving while supporting Caleb’s recovery overwhelmed us with pain and uncertainty. Even routine activities became monumental challenges. Our church community surrounded us with love, but the depth of our grief left us struggling to find purpose.

How We Began to Cope:

• Leaning on Community: Friends and church members brought meals, prayed for us, and provided emotional support.
• Prioritizing Small Wins: Simple tasks like journaling or reading a comforting scripture felt like victories.
• Acknowledging Emotions: Allowing ourselves to grieve freely helped us face the loss authentically.

Faith Under Fire: Wrestling with Doubt

As Christians, we’d always leaned on our faith during hardships. But this tragedy tested everything we believed. Questions like “Why would a loving God allow this?” invaded our thoughts. The battle with doubt could be fierce at times, but we learned that questioning God is not the same as abandoning Him.

Key Scriptures That Spoke to Us:

• Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
• Isaiah 41:10: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.”

These verses reminded us that God’s presence doesn’t eliminate pain but provides strength to endure it.

Finding Divine Comfort

In our darkest moments, we felt God’s quiet presence. Comfort came through prayer, worship, and His Word. The Holy Spirit ministered to us in ways we hadn’t experienced before. The scriptures became anchors, grounding us when waves of despair threatened to pull us under.

Steps Toward Healing Through Faith:

1. Immerse Yourself in Scripture: Daily reading helped us internalize God’s promises.
2. Pray Honestly: Sharing our raw feelings with God deepened our connection to Him.
3. Worship in Grief: Songs of faith reminded us of God’s goodness, even in sorrow.

Transforming Grief into Testimony

As healing began, we felt called to share our story. Opening up about Jacob’s death and Caleb’s recovery became a way to honor Jacob’s memory and glorify God’s redemptive power. Through writing, speaking, and community outreach, our pain found purpose.

How Sharing Your Story Helps:

• It validates your emotions and encourages others facing loss.
• It transforms your grief into a ministry of hope.
• It reminds others that they are not alone in their suffering.

Inviting God Into Brokenness

The most profound lesson we learned is that God desires our broken hearts, not perfection. He meets us in our pain and promises restoration. Jeremiah 30:17 declares, “For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.” Trusting this truth has been a cornerstone of our healing.

Call to Action: Finding Your Own Hope

Are you struggling to find hope after loss? We encourage you to lean into God’s promises. Allow Him to transform your pain into peace and your grief into joy.

• Watch Our YouTube Video: For more on this journey, check out our latest video here: Click here. Be sure to subscribe for more encouragement.
• Join Our Email List: Receive exclusive resources for navigating grief and updates on our latest posts and videos.
• Share Your Story: Connect with others in the comments or through our website. Your testimony can inspire someone else to find hope.

The post Finding Faith Through Tragedy: A Personal Journey of Grief, Loss, and Healing appeared first on Jenny Leavitt.

Understanding the Importance of Seeking Counseling After Shattering Moments

Experiencing shattering moments can leave deep emotional scars that are not easy to heal on our own. Seeking counseling provides a safe and supportive space to process these experiences, express our feelings, and work through the pain. A qualified therapist can offer valuable insights, coping strategies, and tools to help navigate the healing process effectively.

Overcoming Stigma and Embracing Support from Christian Professionals

In Western society, seeking counseling has often been stigmatized, with some viewing it as a sign of weakness or mental instability. However, overcoming this stigma is vital for our well-being. Christian professionals, who integrate faith and spirituality into their practice, can provide a unique perspective and guidance that aligns with one’s beliefs and values, fostering a deeper sense of connection and healing.

Exploring Differentiation Between Counseling and Coaching, and Finding Guidance

While counseling and coaching share similarities, such as providing support and guidance, they differ in their approaches and focus. Counseling typically delves into past experiences and emotions to heal wounds, while coaching is more future-oriented, focusing on setting goals and achieving personal growth. Understanding these differences can help individuals choose the right path based on their needs and aspirations.

By becoming a Board Certified Master Mental Health Coach specializing in grief, loss, and trauma-informed care, I hope to offer specialized support to those navigating these specific challenges. Recommendations for finding a counselor or coach include seeking referrals from trusted sources, checking credentials and experience, and ensuring a good fit in terms of personality and approach.

Embracing post-traumatic growth and personal development is a transformative journey that can lead to resilience, inner strength, and a deeper understanding of oneself. Financial constraints should not be a barrier to seeking guidance, as there are alternative ways to access support, such as community resources, sliding scale fees, and online counseling options.

Lastly, utilizing faith and prayer as a source of counseling and hope can provide comfort, guidance, and a sense of purpose during difficult times.

Integrating these into our healing process can deepen our spiritual connection and foster a sense of peace and resilience. Embarking on the path of counseling and coaching is a courageous step towards healing and growth. By seeking the support of professionals, overcoming stigma, and embracing personal development,we can navigate through challenging moments with strength, resilience, and newfound hope.

Recommended Resources:

Looking for further help? Here are three links for you to check out. They each provide a way for you to search for vetted Christian counselors.

One is through the American Association of Christian Counselors, the organization I am certified with.

The other is through Focus on the Family.

Last, there’s this one.

I also highly recommend group support through either one of these vetted resources: GriefShare or Nothing is Wasted

I hope these suggestions help! Please let me know!

Another Way to Support this Podcast/Blog

If you would like to support my work further in helping those who are grieving, please consider becoming a patreon supporter by clicking here. Thank you!

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I am thankful for 30 years with the love of my life, Myron, who has been my rock through every storm. The joy of being a mother to two incredible boys, Jacob and Caleb, fills my heart with gratitude. Although Jacob is now in heaven, I am immensely proud of the strength and faith that Caleb has shown in the face of adversity.

The tragic accident in 2015 changed our lives forever, but through it all, I have witnessed miraculous healing in Caleb, both physically and spiritually. Surviving stage four cancer was a battle that shaped me in ways I never imagined, and being here today to witness the blessings that followed fills me with awe.

I am grateful for the beautiful daughter, Crystal, who has joined our family, bringing joy and love into our lives. Over 25 years of being cancer-free is a testament to the power of faith and perseverance. The support of friends and family, as well as the unwavering love of God, have sustained me through every trial and triumph.

As I reflect on my journey, I am reminded of the grace and mercy that have guided me through each challenge. My heart overflows with gratitude for the savior who walks beside me, offering comfort and strength in times of need.

In the midst of life’s trials, there is always something to be thankful for. Let us embrace gratitude and find joy in the simple blessings that surround us each day.

Today, I encourage you to take a moment to count your blessings. What are you grateful for? Share in the comments below!

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In our early twenties, Myron and I had a young family. I appreciated Dr. James Dobson’s efforts to help families return to God. Their radio program became a worldwide ministry, and I learned a lot from it and Dr. Dobson’s “The Strong-Willed Child” book.

Dr. Dobson has a free short email series that you can sign up for that I highly recommend if you have questions about your faith walk. It’s called “When God Doesn’t Make Sense”, and here’s the blurb about it:

“The Christian life is supposed to be wonderful, right? Aren’t we promised great riches, peaceful relationships and joy unending, but then when circumstances in life don’t add up, when it seems like God doesn’t make any sense at all, our faith can come crashing down. It feels as though we can no longer trust him because he hasn’t met our expectation.”

Here’s the link if you want to sign up for it:

“When God Doesn’t Make Sense”, Dr. James Dobson

Share in the comments any completed series that helped you in your life!

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Has anyone ever said that to you? But as a dear friend recently asked me, how exactly do you process it?

That could be an entire book on its own. Each person and each situation is unique, but I think it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced some hard times in life.

A bad day at work. A fight with a spouse. Or maybe something more life-altering, like a health diagnosis or the loss of a loved one. The question remains though: How do you process it?

Since every situation is unique, I don’t believe there’s just one “proper” way to work through life’s trials and tragedies. What helped me may help you though, so here are my tips for how to process grief, loss, and change in our lives healthily:

Focus on facts first, not emotion. 

This will take the shame that you may be feeling (or the anger or the guilt or whatever) out of the way. When you reach for an unhealthy way of comforting yourself and that guilt or shame comes upon you, stop and ask yourself, What happened? What were you thinking before that happened?

Specifically, what did you need at that moment? Remember, just look for facts right now so that you can identify the lie behind that thought.

I will use myself as an example. My husband, Myron, told me for years that I don’t handle stress well. I would argue with him and say, “Yes, I do. I handle stress just fine!” while gritting my teeth in frustration.

Then one day I was working in a school and there was a large fight, where the police were called. Everything had just cleared out, and the tension was just easing off when I remembered the leftover pastries in the break room!

I dashed down and filled a styrofoam bowl full of donut holes. As I’m popping one in my mouth, my colleague leans back in his chair and looks over at me. He knew I do not drink alcohol, yet he said to me, “Well, Leavitt, that was quite a day, wasn’t it? Enough to go to the bar and tie one on!”

Lifting a donut hole to my mouth, I replied, “Now, you know I don’t drink.” My hand stilled as I had an AHA moment.

My husband was right. Again. Ugh. 

I really do not handle stress well. What do I turn to when I feel like I can’t handle this. This is too much. I need help. Where can I go to get relief? Comfort food?

Most times, I’m not even conscious of my train of thought. But, unfortunately, that’s been one of my go-to stress relievers for most of my life. It’s become a bad habit.

Now, I have to stop and consciously think, Why am I tempted to go grab that bag of chips?

I wish I could tell you I did this more often, but the bathroom scale would quickly point out the lie.

What steps can I take to handle the stress in a healthier way?

Think it through.

What did I really need at that moment? Once I identify that (apart from the shame, just the facts), it can become a learning experience for the future. But next time, I will have a choice before me: Do I want to grow and learn from this? Or do I want to continue in the same destructive pattern?

I recently learned about neuroplasticity, which is just a big word to say that God created us with the ability to change the neural pathways in our brains over the course of our lives. Our brains develop neuroplasticity to help us default to behavior. 

For example, have you ever driven home from someplace and then you are sitting in the driveway and you can’t remember driving there? It’s kind of scary, right? Your neuro pathway was working on autopilot for you. Your subconscious mind took care of it for you. You didn’t have to learn it or even think about it.

Any habit that you practice is the same way. But the good news is we can direct those neuro pathways. While researching this, I discovered scientists say it takes 66 days to rebuild neural pathways. 

Persistence is key, friend. 

So in my situation, here’s a healthier way for me to process the stress:

• Stop and think, why am I tempted to reach for those donut holes?
• Answer honestly, Ah, because it was a stressful day and the tension is still gripping me tight.
• Make the connection that my brain is currently trained to turn to the bad habit of reaching for that bowl of donut holes.
• Recognize that if I want to create new habits, it’s going to take work. But how? Stop and think (or maybe take a breath, go for a walk, call a friend, something) before I deal with the problem. This needs to be something that will help me be aware and take me out of that stressful situation.
• Ask myself, Is this true? Am I still stressed? Is it something I’ve done? Am I a failure? Am I guilty? Should I be ashamed? Is what I just said about myself true?
• Remind myself of the best news of all: As a believer, I can change what I think by asking God, Is that true? What do you say about me? (1 Corinthians 10:5).

Because here’s the truth that can conquer that stress or any other bad habit you’re trying to break:

• God says He loves me. (Romans 5:5)
• God says He’s there for me. (Psalm 56:9)
• God’s word has answers to all my questions. (James 1:5)
• God is concerned about the toll this is taking on my mental and physical health. (I Cor 6:19-20, Prov 17:22)

If it’s an addiction you face: He doesn’t want toxins in your body, clouding your judgment. He wants you free to choose life and healing. (Deut 30:19)

If you’ve experienced trauma: He doesn’t want it to keep you trapped in the past. He wants you to know He has a hope and future for you. (Jer 29:11-13)

If its anxious thoughts troubling you: He doesn’t want those thoughts spiraling out of control. He wants to give you a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

He doesn’t want you ruled by fear, which leads to protection mode, but wants you centered in his love and his promises. (1 John 4:7-21)

Do you want to grow, dear friend?

What we think about will become our actions. It’s our choice: Those actions can be detrimental to our physical, emotional, and spiritual health as they trigger spiraling shame and guilt. 

Or, we can stop it in its tracks at the thought!

We can choose life and growth in these areas that plague us.

I think about one of the things that our pastor, Ron Meyer, has said for years about how to learn to make wise decisions: Think. Evaluate. Make a decision.

We can break these old habits. 

It’s work, but it’s worth it! 

What areas do you need to retrain your brain? Share with our community in the comments below or email me at jenny@jennyleavitt.com. I’d love to connect with you on this journey!

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Short answer: one day, one step at a time

Long answer: it takes intentional work

Seriously, though, friend. Variations of that question are by far the most common ones I am asked.

I recently shared with a friend that processing grief is just that… a process. It’s not something you do once, and that’s it.

But the really good news is that you don’t have to have it all figured out or even do it all at once.

In fact, it’s so much better to just…. breathe.

Take it one day at a time.

One hour at a time if you need to.

Along with the question I’m most often asked, I want to share: the thing I always recommend.

Over and over again I find myself recommending Grief Share to these precious hurting new friends that cross our paths. In fact, it is my most often recommended grief resource. I am so thankful for it and for the healing help it brings to the hurting. It was certainly crucial in our own healing and I’ve witnessed it help countless others too.

Myron and I have led several Grief Share groups, both in person and virtually. I love how it is practical and gets into the nitty gritty daily aspects of life, helping us work through them. It also provides a supportive community of fellow believers. I recently received an email that they have a journal that helps work through grief with specific prompts. https://visit.griefshare.org/reflections-journal/?utm_source=sendgrid&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=gs_journal_promotion&utm_content=cs-participants

Many of the helpful resources on their site are completely free. For instance, you can sign up for a short email every day for 365 days. I have done this twice over the last seven years since losing Jacob, and I highly recommend it.

Here’s just a glimpse of the 13 topics that Grief Share covers:

Session One: Is this normal? Discovering why your grief experience is harder than you imagine; the intensity, the duration of the emotions, and whether they’re normal and appropriate. Despite how you might feel in the beginning, there is reason for hope.

Session Two: Challenges of grief More eye-opening reasons why the pain is so overwhelming. Some of the overlooked yet common effects that grief has on the mind, body, and spirit; how you can get things done when you don’t feel like you have any energy.

Session Three: The journey of grief (Part one) Helpful goals that we can set on the journey of grief; how to deal with those who try to rush us through the grief; how long the journey of grief can typically last.

Session Four: The journey of grief (Part two) Why it’s important to put effort into healing; how the events surrounding our loved one’s death affects our grief; the best way to deal with our loved one’s belongings.

Session Five: Grief in your relationships How to deal with the death; how the death of a loved one affects our friendships; why solitude can be a blessing and a curse; how to deal with friends who might not understand our grief.

Session Six: Why? God wants you to share your feelings with him. Being honest with God is an expression of faith and what God has to say about our why questions.

Session Seven: Guilt and anger Dealing with false guilt and how grief can cause conflicts in relationships; how to handle grief-related anger.

Session Eight: Complicating factors How traumatic experiences affect grief; how to deal with nightmares and flashbacks; how our thinking affects our emotions.

Session Nine: Stuck How to prevent getting stuck in grief, misconceptions that hinder healing, why the path to healing isn’t always smooth.

Session Ten: Lessons of grief (Part one) An often overlooked reason that grief is so painful, why going to church can be so difficult, the benefit of helping others.

Session Eleven: Lessons of grief (Part two) Who you are now that your loved one is gone; why no one grieves perfectly; what grief can teach us about our relationships.

Session Twelve: Heaven Answers questions about heaven in the afterlife such as what heaven is like; whether you should communicate with your deceased loved one; whether near death experiences are reliable descriptions of heaven and much more.

Session Thirteen: What do I live for now? Why moving forward is a necessity; why it’s a process; why peace and pain will always coexist.

https://www.griefshare.org/ has tons of information that’s helpful– seminar topics from grief experts, the daily emails I referenced, tips for surviving the holidays, a whole program on the loss of a spouse, and more. You can enter your zip code and find a group that’s meeting near you as well.

So…

How do you “process” grief correctly?

Short answer: one day, one step at a time

Long answer: it takes intentional work!

BUT, it’s worth it to work through the deep pains to find the joy that’s waiting for us on the other side!

Have you ever tried Grief Share? Let us know in the comments below.

Praying for you, friend

Jenny 

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A few weeks ago, I told you about my new friend, Kelly Jo Wilson, and her podcast, iWitness. I shared part one of that here:

Today I’m sharing part two, where we really dive into the accident and the aftermath: https://kellyjowilson.com/how-to-cope-with-grief/

I’m praying it helps you know that you’re not alone on this journey, my friend. Jesus is here. And we’re here too. Won’t you let us know your story and how we can pray for you? Add a comment below or email me personally at jenny@jennyleavitt.com. I’d love to hear from you!

Until then,

Jenny

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Some would say we had the perfect life. We were pastoring a church in Orlando, Florida. Our kids were homeschooled. We were in God’s perfect will. Life as we knew it was great.

In one second, our lives were flipped upside down.

A drunk driver slammed into us and our 2 youngest children flew out of the window. My son died instantly, my daughter clinging on to life.

Some would think we are exempt from any bad thing happening. We are serving God, why would God do such a thing?

We decided to carry on the work of God and Trust Him with our future. We held on to our faith and sought God for healing.

Seven years later, we are still powering on in the ministry, but God is using our pain to help others that are going through the same pain.

Grief is one of the hardest emotions to go through. It’s a dark valley that seems to have no end. Some call it the “new normal “.

Our world may seem as if it’s falling apart, but that’s part of the process. God’s goodness is evident throughout our journey. If we learn to trust Him, we will find peace, even in the midst of chaos.

Reading the Word of God was one of the greatest healing mechanisms for me. It brought life and purpose to my life.

My heart is singing again. God has carried me through and I can say my life is full again with God’s joy, love and peace.

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Jenny’s top 5

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